I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
