Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
