I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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