Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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