I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
