Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
NoShamevember. You game?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
