the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize