You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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