i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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