I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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