So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
