I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
