Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
