nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize