Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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