I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
