Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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