True but thats because hes a fetus.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
only if we run a train.
done.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
