dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
