i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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