That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
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Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
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She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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