Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
