i just wanna soil my oats bro
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
