I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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