He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
