Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
