I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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