When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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