i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
