also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
