Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
