anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
