I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
