are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
