it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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