is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
