when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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