why didn't you poke me back
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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