Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal