Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.