I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
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I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.