Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..

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  (440): you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents.. http://tfl.nu/shss
  Replies (17) Good night (477) Bad night (3799)
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  (626): View more from California

  You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.

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  (626): You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I. http://tfl.nu/6sde
  Replies (9) Good night (6819) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.

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  (901): He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him. http://tfl.nu/u51w
  Replies (23) Good night (7138) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  She saved the condom from the first time we did it.

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  (917): She saved the condom from the first time we did it. http://tfl.nu/b22a
  Replies (89) Good night (1704) Bad night (25929) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.

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  (703): The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up. http://tfl.nu/ttp7
  Replies (14) Good night (5338) Bad night (1440) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"

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  (949): Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick" http://tfl.nu/m9ln
  Replies (22) Good night (3696) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.

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  (240): I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged. http://tfl.nu/1zhu
  Replies (9) Good night (3291) Bad night (1152) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.

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  (503): I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over. http://tfl.nu/8vsu
  Replies (5) Good night (863) Bad night (2520) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.

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  (781): Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad. http://tfl.nu/2wvl
  Replies (20) Good night (1310) Bad night (4768) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.

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  (919): No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you. http://tfl.nu/9kp9
  Replies (4) Good night (2588) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming

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  (614): It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming http://tfl.nu/8wbb
  Replies (4) Good night (1923) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick

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  (514): Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick http://tfl.nu/2v5j
  Replies (15) Good night (843) Bad night (1313) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?

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  (512): I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high? http://tfl.nu/rga0
  Replies (3) Good night (726) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.

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  (870): Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants. http://tfl.nu/u5r1
  Replies (1) Good night (421) Bad night (199) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.

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  (860): I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green. (860): Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green. http://tfl.nu/a7td
  Replies (2) Good night (265) Bad night (387)

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