This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
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ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
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Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.