Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was โhehโ
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that ๐ I went with "no"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize