When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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