i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
and you fell through a lawn chair
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
