My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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