I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My cat gives me a boner
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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