I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
