Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
