You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
