Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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