the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
