i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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