we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
