is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
