There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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