I am puke
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
