If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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