I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And then my night got REAL pukey
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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