i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
