It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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