i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
