I need help removing her.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
