fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I will be naked everywhere
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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