i just made my gag reflex go away.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
