Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
