I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
