before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
