don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
