it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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