You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
